Category Archives: *** = Better Than a Sharp Stick in The Eye

Certified Cowboy

Hey dudes! We’re two books into cowboy month! Actually it will probably go a bit longer than a month because I have SO MANY cowboys in my corral thanks to Harlequin’s leap day cowboy sale. The only thing I love more than cowboy romance novels is not paying full price for cowboy romance novels, AM I RIGHT OR WHAT? Actually that’s not true. The only thing I love more than cowboy romance novels is their covers! Oh boy, what is going on with that pony? Not his best angle. I also really enjoy the cowboy’s face. He makes riding a bucking horse look effortless – like, really, he’s putting no effort into it. He might as well be sitting on a couch. Also is it just me or is he gazing longingly at his own crotch?

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Just Like Heaven

I don’t know about you, but I have a good feeling about 2012. Just something in the air that speaks to me of good tidings. Also, I’ve gotten some sweet-ass book recommendations that I can’t wait to grumpy-read for you! I kid, I kid, I’m sure some of them will be lovely. Just lovely.

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A Christmas Promise

It’s Christmas Eve! Happy Christmas Eve! Also, Merry Christmas Eve! More Capital Letters!!!!

Instead of putting up a quick excuse about how there’s no new post today, I figured I would share with you a very special Christmas Episode of Romance Recap. Also, this little Christmas-themed novel gave Mary Balogh the chance to make up for her dreadful Novel That We Won’t Discuss from last week. Is Mary Balogh destined to become the second name on my Romance Authors To Avoid list? Or is she actually a nice lady and just had a rough novel?

In the spirit of Christmas, let’s read her book and judge the shit out of it!

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Dante’s Ultimate Gamble

Continuing my trend of romance novel audiobooks here! This one was a book-on-MP3, as opposed to a book-on-CD…oooh, so technological! I listened to this during two legs of a bus trip to Washington DC and I’m going to be honest…I slept through a bunch of it. But I don’t think I missed anything too big? I mean, I never felt like I didn’t know what was going on. Maybe I didn’t fall asleep at all. Or maybe I did fall asleep, but my brain kept listening to the book and so when I woke up it was like I hadn’t really slept. Maybe my brain is specially wired to prioritize romance novels over real, restful sleep. (Is this possible? Sleep scientists? Want to weigh in here?)

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Love’s Savage Embrace

 

Book Number 2 of the free, misfit romance novel collection! CHECK OUT THAT COVER, people. I mean, you can totally see why I bought it, right? He looks like a g.d. wolfman!!! Obviously, I needed it in my life. But anyhow, this doesn’t feel like a substantial book in your hand. It feels kind of short – so I thought, oh well maybe it’s straight-forward, right to the point, no messing around. Right? Well. Not right. In another genre you might call this novel “dense” or perhaps “twisty.” In the romance genre, however, I prefer to catalog this book as OMFG WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED WHAT THE HELL COULD POSSIBLYHAPPEN NEXT WTF ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!

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Chieftain

Romance novel covers are an endless fascination of mine. Sometimes there’s just a lady, looking helpless or pouty or tousled. Sometimes there’s just a dude, looking swarthy and tough and menacing. Sometimes it’s a totally innocuous image and then you flip the page and – hey there! – sexytimes are unfolding. But sometimes, like with Chieftain – or maybe chiefTain or ChiefTain, it’s hard to tell from the font – the image is just…like…you know? I mean, WHAT is happening here? Is he unconscious? Has he been bludgeoned? The bulging muscles make him look very unrelaxed, like he’s waiting for something bad to happen.

…Which basically sums up this entire novel. Every page I turned was like, what kind of horror is going to pop up next? Look, I don’t think Nan Ryan is a racist person. I just think she probably did her research by watching Disney’s Pocahontas and prefers to rely on race-based stereotypes. But hey, let’s not let all those icky issues get in the way of a love story! It’s just fluff! It doesn’t have to be accurate! Haven’t white people suffered enough?

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Wicked Intentions

This week to spice things up I thought I’d read a romance novel about a young, beautiful woman and the older, muscular, very handsome, extremely damaged man that she falls in love with. You know, something a little different. Some uncharted territory. Something to keep me guessing every step of the way, something exciting and new…

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